All by myself

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Hello lovelies,

I am pretty sure you also know those days you feel completely alone and lost without any help. I recently had those. It felt like all the pressure from work, friends, family and myself pushing on me. My body also decided to work against me but I am not sure if this was a reaction to my emotional state anyway.

So, I start with all the stuff  I had to deal at work. I am a teacher and now in my third year of service at a wonderful school. I loved it there from the beginning. In my second year the principal asked me if I wanted to be a form teacher and I agreed because I really liked the people whom I worked there with. The first class was pretty hard for me but I barely remember anything from that time. I had to do most of the stuff alone until I got a nice colleague who got seated opposite of me in the faculty room. We found out we worked together and so a nice friendship developed and she is now my co – form teacher 🙂 I am pretty happy I got her by my side!
But this year she got ill pretty often. Basically I know you cannot help it but it was so often and she did not do anything about her immune system at all. There were also some private troubles she had to deal with.
So I had all the weight of handling the pupils, organising things and teaching on my shoulders.

Furthermore my boyfriend was getting lazier and in a sort of depression. He was not so keen on his course of studies, he was more focusing on his band and hobbies and I felt alone with all the expenses I paid alone since he could not have a side job because of the ever changing schedule he has. The household was also one point I mostly did alone. Additionally to that I do not feel very well when my surroundings are not tidied up. So I came home already exhausted and did also the household so I would feel better at home. Sometimes I felt so alone and responsible for everything and that was scary for me. I do earn enough to pay for me and my boyfriend but sometimes I was angry with him because he rather bought a computer game than going on vacation with me. We sorted it out together and I told him all my thoughts.

My family is also a bit shaken up because of some ocurring illnesses and as you see I was not that nice to me and my body either. I am trying to lose weight since the last year but when I am stressed I tend to eat a lot. This was of course the case in this phase and I already switched to healthy snacks and less carbs so it was not that bad and I did not put on weight. But my skin hated me for the stress and it did not get any better.

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I had some clarifying conversations and I am so happy those days have passed. My skin is still bad but I am thankful to have friends, colleagues, a boyfriend and a family who really support me no matter what happens!
This phase also showed me I am more capable than I thought and this also makes me a bit proud of myself.

Do you had similar experiences in your life?
Do you also think it is scary to handle all by yourself?
Let me know your opinion!
Thank you for reading!

xoxo

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